Remembering My Why
This week has been the week of questioning, I keep going back and forth on whether or not it’s all worth it. Is this something that I want to continue pursuing or do I want to let it go, crazy I know but it comes with the territory of competing I believe or at least it does for me. I’m a competitive person and when I go in on something it’s usually all or nothing, which is something I’m working on changing because it’s not the healthiest mentality for me to carry. I’m proud of what I achieved at my last meet and I love competing but I was also extremely tired for a few days afterwards and even came down with a slight cold (not COVID, test came back negative) so my body was worn down with everything I had been putting it through. I’m sure the stress I’ve been under in other areas of life didn’t help with feeling run down but sometimes the exhaustion and the feeling of what’s next that comes the following day(s) after the meet are difficult to overcome. I sometimes wonder whether or not I need the what’s next. I have people in my life that are perfectly happy just getting a workout in and moving on with their day but for me I need that something to work towards, to focus on to help keep my head in the game.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with how the meet went and how all of my lifts felt, which to me is the most important thing. I’ve been working for so long on being able to adapt my lifting and movement patterns to my new normal with my knees that it wouldn’t matter if I came in dead last because I got on that platform and lifted to the best of my ability. I moved weight and completed movements that doctors were telling me I was done with. This is where my why comes in and helps me overcome all the other doubts and feelings that arise after competition. I remember how hard I fought to get where I am today and be able to do the things that I currently do and how I want to show people that if you listen to your body, do your research and open up the lines of communication with your doctors about why you want to do the things you want to do even when they are telling you otherwise.
Putting that into perspective however, I listened to where my doctor was coming from, did some research then was able to present to him the reasons why I could still do CrossFit and Powerlifting and how I needed to take my mental health into account when discussing my physical health. To clarify, I didn’t blatantly disregard his instructions but I opened the lines of communication between a patient who loved the sport they were doing but needed knee replacements (not due to injury) and the surgeon who was performing the surgery. We discussed workout modifications, intelligent training plans, my plans for moving forward and how staying involved and active in a sport that I loved was beneficial all the way around. Sometimes it’s truly a matter of showing a different perspective to be able to adjust someones vision of how to move forward.
It’s crazy to me the highs and the lows that come along with competing in sport, the wide spectrum of feelings that come along with it all. It’s truly a matter of keeping an honest and open dialogue with yourself so that you can allow yourself to acknowledge the feelings, accept them for what they are and ultimately move forward. There is always something to help keep your forward momentum, something to keep focus on when your in a darker place. Remember your why, the why that moved you to start in the first place, the why that gets you out of bed in the early morning hours, the why that gets you to push through the sore muscles and the aches and pains because it’s your why that will help propel you through the times when you are questioning everything.
It’s my why that will help propel me through this time of questioning everything.
